Update on me

Heres an update on me! My life has been pretty hectic. There for awhile I was working 3 jobs but am now down to 2. Working so much has been draining me physically and mentally. My depression has been kicking my ass. I’ve had more sad days than happy days. Some days I just want it to end but I remeber my life and how blessed I am. And some days I just feel like my life is falling apart. But besides everything going on I’m doing good.

Things are good with me and my fiance. We have been experiencing problems but we have a game plan in motion and finally starting to accomplish what we both want. And that’s a bittersweet moment.

What are some things you’d like to see in my blog? I need ideas or is just talking about my life helping others? Some days I just dont know.

Update on me and Words of Affirmation

This post is going to be two post into one. An update on me and the next love language. So I haven’t been blogging much because I have been depressed. Not wanting to do anything let alone take care of myself. Its been overwhelming.I can only imagine how my fiance feels after he is left to pick up the pieces. i have let my chores go and that’s not okay. I have even let work suffer. To day I am feeling much better and more like myself so I decided to write.

Words of Affirmation. This is where the primary love language is to use words. Kind words, encouraging words. Words speak louder than actions in this case. Things you could do to speak their language are but not limited to:

  • say how terrific they are
  • say I love you
  • write a card

Some things to avoid is harsh words and criticism.

This love language is pretty simple. Just communicate with your significant other and use your words to express your love for them. Communication is key!

Quality time

I will just jump into the third love language.

Quality time. That is when you spend time together while being present and giving your full undivided attention. Turn off the televisions and put the phones away and be present. Love really is spelt T-I-M-E with these people.

Some examples are:

  • going for a walk and talking about your day
  • meeting for lunch
  • taking a weekend trip with the children
  • preplanned thoughtful date
  • family vacation
  • quality conversation
  • gardening together
  • working out together
  • cooking together

A successful quality time sesh will include one of the following:

  • one or both of you want to do it
  • the other person is willing
  • you both know that you are expressing your love to each other through this activity

There are some things to avoid when you are in a relationship where the person speaks this love language. The first thing is to avoid distractions. The second, is postponed dates. This is a big no no. And last not listening. They love when you can listen to each other and have conversations.

Remember quality time is the most important thing to this person. So conversate it up!

Receiving gifts

Love is an amazing thing when you get it figured out. Part of it is figuring out the person’s love language. So on to the next love language.

Receiving gifts. Gifts and gestures show that you are known, loved, and cared for. They thrive on the thoughtfulness and effort behind a visual representation of love. The best gifts are the most meaningful. If you struggle to know what gift to get then just ask them! Its the thought that counts.

Examples of these gift ideas are but not limited to:

  • engagement ring
  • flowers
  • trinket with their favorite tv show, animal or band
  • memento from meaningful date
  • bring home their favorite treat
  • a trip they have always wanted to go
  • the thing they have talked about wanting
  • the gift of yourself

Actions to avoid when dealing with these people is to avoid forgetting birthdays and anniversaries. Another thing to avoid is thoughtless gifts.

As long as the gift is thoughtful they typically will accept. Remember and I can not stress enough, it is the thought that counts.

Acts of service

In my I wish I had known series I touched base with the five love languages. This week I will go into more detail about the languages.

The first one we are going to talk about is acts of service. The things you do to ease the responsibilities of your significant other. This means a lot to the person with acts of service as their love language. Action speak louder than words with these people. It can be misinterpreted. But communication is key. Just simply ask them and they will tell you.

Some examples of acts of service are:

  • doing the dishes or laundry
  • washing their car
  • running errands for them
  • fixing things around the house
  • helping them with a project
  • doing things without being asked
  • sacrificing what you want to do for them

There are some things to avoid when dealing with these people who primary love language is acts of service. First of all they dislike laziness. Secondly they dislike broken commitments. And last but not least they dislike making more work for them.

As this week continues look out for your love language. You will know once you read it which one is yours. You can have multiple but one will speak strongly towards you. As you read I want you to think about which love language you are and communication. This won’t necessarily make the relationship easier but it will help out all parties involved.

Update on me

Update about me. It has been a busy crazy few weeks. My fiance and I celebrated our 7th year of being together. We went camping and kayaking and it was so much fun. Then I started a new job. Now mind you right now I have 3 jobs. I work at a pizza place full time. I babysit part of the time and only have a couple weeks with the kid left due to this other job (tear). And now I’ve started a call center job that is working from home.

With all of this going on how does this affect my bipolar disorder? Well I am super busy, but I would not change it. I am on a schedule that works for me and I do not have to worry about money as much. The point of all these jobs is to get me ahead with everything. I am so tired of living paycheck to paycheck.

So what kind of emotions am I feeling? Well sometimes I feel overwhelmed like I am doing to much. But then I remember why I am doing it for me and my fiance to get ahead, to start saving money. Money stresses me out but my bills are paid and I have food in my belly. However, I want to get back into painting and other things like that, that has the potential to make me more money. I get anxious when I start to think about my schedule. Like can I really do this and keep up with it? The answer yes I can!

But mentally I am in a good spot despite these feelings. I feel on top of the world and that I can accomplish what I set out to accomplish. Well there you have it folks–an update.

Personality and behavior

I wish I had known…

…that personality profoundly influences behavior.

Our personality greatly influences our behavior for many reasons. So what kind of personality do you have? Lets take a look at the different personalities.

Half full or half empty? The pessimist and optimist are typically attracted to each other. The pessimist sees the glass as half full. Where as the optimist sees it as half full. The optimist will be a risk taker because in their mind everything will be fine. The pessimist is the exact opposite and thinks the worst will happen. You have to find a common middle ground for this to work with both personalities.

Neatniks and slobs. The neatniks are clean freaks that like everything in order and clean. The slob could care less about whether or not the place is clean and in order. But again opposites attract.

When the dead sea weds a babbling brook. This means when one person is very talkatve, the other is usually quiet. These two mix very well together. The babbling brook will fill up the evening talking and the dead sea will just agree typically because they are more quiet and reserved.

Passives and aggressives. The aggressive partner will pursue what they want, what they believe to be right, or what they think should happen. The passive partner will be pleased with plans and charts of the future.

Professors and dancers. Some people are very logical. This is the professor. The intuitive partner is the dancer. Both are very good ways of processing life. If you try to force each other into your own personality mold it can result in a lifetime spent in conflict.

The organizer and the free spirit. The organizer is a planner. They give their attention to detail. The free spirit thinks the plans will take care of themselves.

To better understand your personality here’s a list and mark them 1-10. 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. The numbers next to each thing is what I would rate myself.

  • optimistic–3
  • pessimistic–8
  • neat–1
  • messy–10
  • babbling brook–6
  • dead sea–3
  • pointer–2
  • painter–10
  • aggressive–4
  • passive–8
  • logical–1
  • intuitive–10
  • organizer–10
  • spontaneous–2


I wish I had known…

…that I was marrying into a family.

Couples who think it will be just the two of them after the wedding is wrong. You marry into each other’s families for better or for worse. Typically the family is most important. So let’s focus on that relationship today.

Five key issues. The first issue the couple will face when dealing with the in-laws is the holidays. You must choose whose family you will be seeing and when. If you all live in the same town then it is more feasible to see both families. However, if they do not, then you will have to decide who gets what on each major holiday such as Christmas or Thanksgiving. Next you will have to keep up with traditions. Traditions are driven by deep emotions and should never ever be taken lightly. Your in-laws will also have expectations. They will expect you to do things that you won’t even think about such as paying for dinner when you all go out. You must accept that your in-laws have behavioral patterns that you may find troublesome such as going home intoxicated. The last thing is the in-laws will have strongly held religious beliefs that differ from yours.

There are three main points to figuring out this relationship between you and the in-laws.

Learning to listen. People have different views, ideas, and emotions. Learning to listen and actually hear what they are saying will e a step to understanding them.

Learning to negotiate. Negotiation is enhanced when you make requests and not demands. It is an agreement all parties can agree on.

Learning their love language. Learn their love language and act on it all the time.

Ultimately, it takes time and effort to build a positive and healthy relationship with the in-laws.

My fiance and I will switch off on holidays. If the family plans something that we want to go to in between that time then we go to it. We have a healthy relationship between the in-laws.

More about sex

This week has been crazy. It was my fiance and I anniversary so we were busy with that. I’ve been experiencing mood swings like crazy and it is taking everything to control it. I have been writing this series I wish I had known because it is my anniversary. I think this book has been really helpful.So on to the main post.

I wish I had known…

…that mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic.

Not many couples think they would come across problems in the bedroom for he is male and she is female. What could go wrong? You have to figure the person out. The five love languages play a major factor in this. Speak the other person’s love language and you’re more likely to finish in the bedroom. However there are some key points in figuring this stuff out.

Men focus on intercourse, while women focus on the relationship. To women it is an intimate action and grows out of a loving relationship. To men it is just simply sex. They have some emotion behind it but it is not as intense as for the woman.

To the wife, foreplay is more important than the actual of intercourse itself. Women like to take their time and enjoy the process. Where as men tend to rush things and go about their business.

Mutual sexual satisfaction does not require both of you to climax. What is important is to get the feeling of a climax or orgasm. Sometimes it is just not possible for both to climax. This produces a lot of anxiety on couples. Enjoy the act of sex people!!

When one forces a particular sexual act upon one’s significant other, to stops being an act of love and becomes an act of abuse. True love looks to bring pleasure to your significant other. It never demands something of you. Also if you can not reach an agreement then love will make the final decision by not doing it out of respect for your partner.

Sex is more than intercourse. Sex is a very special, bonding moment between two people. It is very intimate. It is not the joining of two bodies but the union of body, soul, and spirit.

Communication is the key that unlocks sexual fulfillment. Most couples tend to only focus on what the other is telling them and not the listening part of it. You have to listen to your partner. If it is within respectable bounds then try it out You may find out you like it too.

The past never remains the past. Couples struggle wanting to know their partner’s past sexual history. You can not just wipe the psychological slate clean. You must learn to accept the past is what is and you have to let go.


I wish I had known…

…that we needed a plan for handling our money.

“Our money”: building unity–this is first foundation step in developing a financial plan. After marriage, it is no longer your money my money, but our money. This means that you will work as a team in financial decisions.

Saving, sharing, spending–the next step is deciding how much of income will be spent, saved, and given away. The main reason to is to have an emergency fund in case things happen. The second is to pay off any debts. The third reason to save is for big purchases such as a home. Usually this is 10% of income. The next 10% is given away.

The other 80 percent–is spent paying the other bills. The more you spend on housing the less you have for the other bills. The most common mistake is spending too much on housing and not have enough for other bills.

Who keeps the books–this is the final step in financial planning. Whoever keeps the accounts will also pay for all the bills. However whoever is not keeping the books will need to know how in case they need to do it one day.

After 6 years together my fiance and are just now figuring this one out. We have separate accounts and we each pay a portion of the bills. Right now this works for us. It teaches me responsibility of my own money, which I need to know how to do when I’m married.

Roles within the relationship

I wish I had known…

…that toilets are not self-cleaning.

When growing up the toilet was always clean. And then I picked it up as a chore when I got older. But when I was younger I never thought about who cleaned it. Roles within the relationship is one of the most stressful things a couple can go through.

Who does what? There are several factors that go into deciding your role in the relationship. The two of you grew up differently meaning you will have different point of views for who does what.

Where do these ideas come from? A second influence of what you think your role is, is how you see maleness and femaleness. This is influenced from education, what we are taught to be a male and a female role. Another reason could be religious as well.

What are each of you good at? Both of you have different skills so use those to your advantage. It can benefit the relationship tremendously if you do what each is good at.

Likes and dislikes. This one is easy. Each of you have things you like to do and are good at and you have things you would prefer not to do. For example, I enjoy doing the dishes and laundry but I am not very good at.

My fiance and I have established our roles in the relationship already. He does the living room, the bathroom, and the bedroom. I keep up with the kitchen and laundry. I also cook dinner for us when I am not working. If we didn’t have these established already I honestly wouldn’t know what do. My bipolar brain does not handle not having structure very well. I need structure and need to know where I stand at all times.


I wish I had known…

…that forgiveness is not a feeling.

The healthiest way from moving forward from an apology is forgiveness. So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness basically states that a wrong has been committed and are looking for an apology. There are minor instances and major offenses. When someone offends other, the re is an emotional barrier that pops up. Just passing time won’t heal this barrier. However sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness will heal this barrier. But to understand forgiveness you need to know what forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness does not destroy our memory. There is your conscious part of the brain and your subconscious Your consciousness is aware of in the moment. While the subconscious is past experiences. Sometimes information flows freely between the two and sometimes you have to choose to communicate to both sides of the brain. We are only human so we will remember theses experiences throughout life. It does not mean we have not forgiven but it does show we are human looking back on a painful experience.

Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing. Positive behavior has positive consequences. Negative behavior has negative consequences. All of our behavior has consequences. Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing.

Forgiveness does not rebuild trust. With a pattern of honesty you can rebuild trust. It does not automatically restore but you can work on it.

Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation. Reconciliation means to bring back harmony. It requires working through differences, finding new ways of doing things, solving conflicts, and learning how to work as a team. So how long does it take to be reconciled? That depends on you as a couple and how long you have been out of harmony.

Forgiveness is something I struggle with everyday. I hold onto things very much. And if you have hurt me that is it. My fiance is very patient when it comes to this kind of thing. He knows I am learning and that it is something I struggle with.

The act of apologizing

I wish I had known…

…that apologizing is a sign of strength.

Apologizing is a sign of strength because it admits that you are at fault and that you feel bad for it. It is simply admitting a mistake was done and that you are sorry for it. I have a hard time apologizing. I could not even tell you how to properly say I’m sorry. Couples often miss each other in their efforts to apologize. There are five primary apologize languages.

Expressing Regret. This an emotional language. They will say things like “I’m sorry for….”. They wish to let the person know that their words or behavior has hurt them and they feel regret for that since the goal was not to hurt the other person.

Accepting Responsibility. This apology starts with words like “I was wrong” and then goes into detail how their behavior or words were wrong. The person who has this language is waiting to hear how your behavior was wrong so the other languages would not work.

Making Restitution. This apology seeks to make things right. The person with this language is wanting to know if you still love them. Your behavior was so unloving that they do not understand how you could do something like that to them.

Genuinely expressing the desire to change your behavior. This apology seeks to come up with a plan to keep the bad behavior from happening again. If you are really apologizing then you will change.

Requesting Forgiveness. In these people minds if you are sincere, then you will ask forgiveness.

What most people want to know when apologizing is how sincere you are. This means you have to learn your primary language and say it in their primary language. When you do they feel the sincerity.

I am still learning but my language is expressing regret. Sometimes it is unfair because it does not always seem sincere. But that is because it is my language not my fiance’s.


I wish I had known…

How to solve disagreements without arguing.

As we are dating it doesn’t cross our minds that we will get into conflicts. We encounter these conflicts because we are individuals. We have different likes, dislikes, things that irritate us and things that please us.

Once you have accepted the fact that you will come across these conflicts then there are three main ways of solving these conflicts.

First one is meeting in the middle. This is where you come up with a compromise that let’s you both do what you want but also give up a few things too.

The second way is meeting on your side. This means that you both listen to each others feelings and thoughts. Then you decide which way to go based off the information and the situation. Sometimes this involves great sacrifice.

The third way is meeting later. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. Sometimes you cant meet in the middle or choose one way so you just have to disagree. It doesn’t mean you dont love your partner any less. It just means you can’t decide.

My fiance and I try to meet in the middle as most often as we can. Sometimes we come across where his idea or mine is better so we do that and sometimes we come across things we just cant agree on.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Like mother, like daughter

I wish I had known…

That the saying “like mother, like daughter” and “like father, like son” is not a myth.

This means that you will not turn out exactly like your parents but that they do influence behavior, beliefs, and values. Communication is key in this step.

You have to be able to communicate if behaviors bother you and your significant other should change them. If you dont like what you see from a parent talk to them and address it before it becomes a problem in the relationship.

With my fiance we are learning this still. I was raised completely different and was taught differently. He has had to address issues and I change them. He grew up as an only child and I grew up with siblings. I grew up sharing my things where as he grew up not needing to share since he was the only child. These are just a couple of things that we have had to compromise and come to an understanding. If I didn’t love him then I wouldn’t change.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Romantic Love

I wish I had known…

that romantic love has two stages.

Romantic love is the being in love stage. In this stage we do things for each other with out thinking or sacrificing anything. Also in this stage you don’t have to work on the relationship as much. It just comes to you.

In the second stage you go more in depth on stage one. So much that love is its own language all together. There are five different languages. The first language is words of affirmation. This one uses words to affirm the person. ” Thank you for taking out the garbage, you are the best!” The second love language is acts of service. This love language is for those who actions speak louder than words. Things like helping around the house, washing the car, and mowing the grass of examples of these. The third love language is receiving gifts. This love language is for those people that love getting things like jewelry, or anything the person likes. The fourth love language is quality time. Quality time is giving the person you undivided attention. It is not sitting in the room watching TV because then you are distracted. It is sitting there and having a conversation. Quality time. The last love language is physical touch. This is a kiss, a hug, holding hands.

So how do you figure out which one is your love language? First observe your own behavior. Typically how you love people is the type of love you want to receive. Second, what do you complain about? What is the most common complaint you have? Complaints reveal what you want from the other person. Thirdly, what do you request most often? This is what you ask of your significant other. List your complaints and requests and you will find out which love language appeals to you most.

I am still learning my love language. It varies from day to day. But from here on out I am going to listen to what I want and figure it out. To me I feel like words of affirmation is most important. I love when my fiance tells me I’m doing a good job and when he takes notice in what I do.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts #fivelovelanguages

First comes love, then comes marriage

I have recently been thinking about marriage a lot lately. Mainly because I am engaged and am wondering when that will be. However, there is no rush and I still have some things I need to understand before jumping into something as major as marriage. I’ve recently started reading this book Thing I Wish I’d Know Before We Got Married. Now it’s my turn to share what I’ve learned with you guys.

I Wish I Had Known….

That being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage. When I look at my fiance I know I am in love. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and after 6 years together I still get the tingles and warm sensation of being in love. This is just step one. You can’t have a sundae with only a cherry. You come to a point in the relationship where your differences start to emerge and discover if you really love the person. This is where you discover that love is not the only foundation to a happy marriage.

Love is an emotional and obsessive experience. Love is amazing with the right person. When you find it, hold on for dear life because the ride is amazing.

Over the next few weeks I will dive deeper into this book and share more with you. Keep reading to find out more things I want to know before jumping into marriage.

Exercise and diet

Let’s talk about how exercise and diet affects those with bipolar disorder.

Those that have bipolar disorder tend to have eating issues as well. Whether that be throwing up after eating or eating too much in one setting. Some foods will affect us negatively while others will give us more energry. Sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and chocolate are just a few that alters your mood. It is important for us to stay hydrated. due to the medications we take, will depend on the side affects, so we have to make sure we are drinking plenty of water.

Exercise is just as important. When we are manic we will want to work out more due to having lots of energry. Exercising also helps burn off any anxiety or other moods you may be feeling at the time. Avoid making exercise decisions while manic because you will agree to literally anything and then not be able to followthrough..so start small and make goals that are reachable to you.

Both of these things can positively and negatively affect you. You can make charts to help you monitor both. This also goes back to having a plan or a schedule for each day. It’s important to eat around the same times and to exercise at the same time as well. It makes it into a schedule. Bipolar people need to have structure and a schedule to stay on top.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Plans and lists are few of my favorite things

I was thinking about the sims. How simple their lives are and how chaotic ours are. On the sims they have their basic needs that you take care of. They have to have some sort of income to pay bills. And they learn new skills to advance in their careers. Very similar to our lives.

However, we deal with every thing life throws at us. The people who don’t understand how not everyone can live regular lives like the sims. Someone with bipolar disorder have a particular harder time fulfilling these tasks that come easy to others. So what can we do to help us fulfill these tasks?

I do a couple things in particular. I make lists and plan ahead. Of everything I need to accomplish in the day. Start off with small tasks. When I have a bigger task to complete I get overwhelmed with what I have to get done. So for me smaller tasks work way better than if I were to do several large tasks. I plan ahead. I have a schedule that I stick to. When I go against the schedule it makes me have a meltdown. If I have plans and they do not go according to plan I have a meltdown. I have to stick to my lists and my plans. But it works for me.

How do you deal with this? What are some healthy ways to not have a meltdown?

let’s talk about sex baby

Let’s talk about sex and bipolar disorder. Typically, a person can think about sex numerous times about day and act out on those impulses. However when you are bipolar, sex is different.

When a person is manic, you want sex constantly. You think about it constantly. You almost become obsessed with sex. You can even have multiple sex partners while manic. However when you are depressed, you do not have motivation to even get out of bed let alone have sex.

Sex is an important thing in anyone’s relationship or life. It makes you feel close to the person. You burn calories while doing it. Plus many more benefits of having sex.

My bipolar disorder affects my sex drive constantly. It is up and down and it so frustrating. Like why does it have to be that way. But in reality its nothing I can control. I can not help if I do not want to be touched. Or the opposite, I can’t get enough of it. It really depends on the day on whether or not I will be having sex. Sometimes I wish I could be a normal human being and just do it. But my significant other understands and knows when to come on to me and when not to.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts


The aftermath of my family reunion. Well I’m alive and still have my support team in place.

But really though I feel like I’m breaking into a billion pieces and just trying to pick them back up and put them together again.

So why do I feel this way after seeing my family? Well my family is a stressor. Not all members understand my bipolar disorder. Some dont even try to understand it. Just a little bit of effort goes a long way.

As I’m putting back the pieces I’m staying around those closest to me. I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown and am screaming out for help. No one knows how to help and I dont know what else to do except be there for me.

Bipolar disorder is very hard to live with. I’m crashing hard from being manic. But with all this I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Family reunion part 2

So this family reunion. It’s going all right. My anxiety is high. Like I’m crawling out of my skin. And nothing is wrong but I feel helpless.

Today we have the family reunion followed by my niece’s birthday. Then going to my sisters house. I’m manic and anxious. Being around my family puts me on a high and what about the downward spiral afterwards? That’s what I’m worried about. The crash.

Any helpful tips on dealing with the downward spiral? Comments appreciated.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Family get together part 1

So I am leaving out on a family reunion. Eek. Can I just say I’m so nervous, anxious, and excited. Sometimes families can be a stressor. Mine is sometimes. I just recently got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and some of my family members dont know how to take it. They dont understand it. Sometimes I dont understand it myself.

So how am I gonna ease these feelings? By listening to music, painting, and surrounding myself with people who love me.

I have my medications ready to go. I have everything in order for this trip. Yet I still feel all those things. So what us eating at me?

Well, first off, I do not want to have mental breakdown due to the mental overload I’m about to get. And secondly, when I am around my family I am very, very manic and then I crash hard. The crashing is what I’m afraid of. What if I crash and have a mental breakdown because of it?

I just have to remember to breathe and take it easy. Take one thing at a time. I’m so sorry if this post is a little scattered. I’m scattered myself. But thoughts, concerns, comments?

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics final chapter: stress

Let’s talk about stress baby let’s talk about you and me let’s talk about all the good things and bad things that may be let’s talk about stress.

Everyone reacts to stress differently. We share some common symptoms such sweaty palms or headaches but how you respond is unique to you. The key is learning to cope in a healthy manner.

So how do you relieve stress? You have to first understand what your stressors are and how to reduce how much that stressor affects you. You have to identify what stresses you out. I can’t stress that enough.

How do we reduce stress? You can be assertive when need be, exercise, good nutrition, sleep, and plan your day ahead of time. Here is some helpful tips that I found works!

1. Make time for yourself. This one is self explanatory. Just make time to do things you enjoy.

2. Improve your mood. Do an activity that boosts your mood. For me it is painting.

3. Evaluate each week your progress. Meaning what activities helped? What didn’t help? Did something cause you to be more stressed? The things not helpful should change or cut out of your routine.

4. Adapt your plan. Meaning the goals you set and strategies in place, you may have to change. Maybe do smaller goals or take smaller steps towards your objectives.

Stress is going to come at you no matter what. How we deal with them is the response we get in return. There are things out there to make situations less stressful. You have to find out what works for you and stick to it.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics part 6: building a support network

How does one build a support system? Well you may already have one in place without knowing. Its close people you can talk to them about your bipolar disorder. It needs to be people that will have a positive influence of your mental wellness.

How does one talk to the person? You can find a place to talk when and where you’ll be calm and free of distractions. Stick to simple facts. Briefly describe how it affects you. Give the person the opportunity to ask questions.

So who do you tell? Tell your adult family members, children, friends, romantic partner, and employees or employer. Each set of people have an affect on your life in a particular way so being able to talk to then about your disorder is a huge deal.

It’s very important to establish this kind of relationship for your mental health.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics part 5: sleep

Sleep is very important to get whether or not you have bipolar disorder. However the lack of sleep can cause a bipolar episode. I know its difficult to get on a sleep schedule but it’s important. People with bipolar disorder tend to have insomnia.

So what causes insomnia? Symptoms are trouble falling asleep, awakening through out the night, waking early and not being able to return to sleep, headaches, and irritability. Some things that could trigger you to not sleep is stress, altitude, change in your normal routine among other reasons. People who live with bipolar disorder are sensitive to changes in their internal clocks.

You can treat insomnia by medications, behavioral programs, and improved sleep habits. What are some good sleep habits you ask? Well go to bed when sleepy, decrease or eliminate caffeine, avoid naps in late afternoon or evening, and use the bed for sleep and intimacy not other things.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics part 4

So what causes you, or trigger, to have a bipolar episode? A trigger is an environmental, biological, or situational factor that causes symptoms of the disorder. Lack of sleep, very stressful situations, and trauma are just a few. By figuring out your triggers you get a little bit more control over the illness. It will help you manage your disorder.

Some of my triggers are lack of sleep appetite on if I ate or what I ate, and stressful situations.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics part 3

Treatment. What about it? Why should you get treated? These are just some of questions we ask.

Why is it important to get treatment? When seeking treatment there was 3 key reasons that I did. The first one was for myself because i couldn’t live like that anymore. The second was for my loved ones, friends and family. The third reason was so it would stop affecting me at work.

There are two stages of treatment. Acute treatment which is short term and used to get you out of an episode. The second treatment stage is preventive which is long term and it gives you the tools to prevent episodes.

There is three main treatment plans–medication, education, and psychotherapy. Medication is watched closely due to how complex bipolar disorder is. It normally involves trial and error till you find the right medication. Educating yourself is the most important strategy. The more you know about the disease the better you will be able to get the right help that you need. Psychotherapy enahances the medicine and gives you the tools to overcome a relapse or hospitlization. There are 4 types of psychotherapy one can undergo. The first one is cognitive behavioral therapy which focuses on specific strategies and exercises that help with thinking. The second one is interpersonal and social rhythm therapy which focuses on a number of topics covered in educational groups. It also helps develops routines. So when you take your medicine, when to go to sleep, and wake up. The third is family focused therapy which is centered around the family. The fourth and final therapy is group therapy which is where you sit in a group if people similar to you and speak about things. For me group didnt work.

What works for me is medicine and individual therapy. My therapist is amazing and really knows how to talk to me. I feel safe and secure with her.

If you feel like you have bipolar disorder, please do a couple things–see your healthcare provider and start the ball rolling and educate yourself on the illness.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics part 2

Who is affected by bipolar disorder? How does it affect the brain?

Bipolar disorder is a rare illness where only about 2% of the population has it. Most of the time you get diagnosed wrong before the doctors find the right illness. It tends to be more genetic so it runs in families.

Your brain is basically misfiring. The brain has circuits. These circuits send messages through neurotransmitters. When a person is bipolar it isn’t receiving all the messages or are receiving the messages at once causing the highs and lows. There has also been studies where people have seizures that also bipolar due to the misfiring of the brain at that time.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Back to the basics

Today and this week is going to be different. I’m getting back to the basics instead of writing about my days.

So the first one is what is bipolar disorder? There are 2 types of bipolar type 1 and type 2. Type 1 is where you have a major manic episode followed by a depression episode. Type 2 is when you have had a major depression episode followed by hypomanic episode but never actually manic. I’m type 1.

What is considered a manic episode and depression episode? A manic episode is when the person is abnormally upbeat, more energetic, euphoria, lack of sleep, talkative, and distracted by everything. A depressed episode is considered when you dont want to get out of bed, sleeping more, suicidal thoughts, and a feeling of loss. A hypomanic episode is very similar to a manic episode but is less severe.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Parenthood part 2♡

As I prepare for having a child there is a lot that goes into that. I have endometriosis so I would have to get off that medicine. Then I’m also bipolar so I have to switch meds for something that’s healthier. I have 2 uteruses so I am a high risk pregnancy. All of this weighs down on me heavily. Am I ready for this adventure? No but its happening. Am I ready to give up my current lifestyle? No but I’m going to. Things you do for children is amazing. If you have any thoughts on helping me out with this adventure let me know.


After being depressed I am finally into my mania. I’ve had some really good days. And I’ve had some bad days. I’ve been working alot and babysitting. But all this has me thinking would I be a good parent. I mean the obvious is already against me, bipolar disorder. Can I handle it mentally? How do you prepare for it? The answer you dont. You just seeing with the punches as they come for you. No matter how much you read nothing can prepare you for parenthood. That being said I also have some issues with my uterus. So can I even have children? Am I getting my hopes up for nothing? No because the child is worth it.

I’m drained mentally♡

A lot has happened in the last 2 days. I had a freakout on Saturday and just didnt feel right mentally. I was doubting everything and everyone even those closest to me. I had to work all day and as it went on .y mood became worse and worse. It didnt help who I was working with either. I was finally able to do my short shift and go home. But man was it hard. Thus is one of the examples I have where bipolar disorder has hindered me from completing work. So when has your mental illness hindered you from something? What did you do? How did you handle it? Where did it happen at?

Yesterday was a good day however. I got to watch toy story 4, eat burger king, and spend time with my fiancee’s mother. It was really a good day.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts


I’ve been babysitting an autistic child. Hes pretty awesome but it has been mentally exhausting. I’ve been learning things like patience and how to handle a child. As I have no children myself this is a whole new territory.

He loves painting and being hands on. He loves cooking and spending time with me. He absolutely loves and adores me. But hes teaching me. I had to clean up a mess the other day because he had an accident. I had patience, I could have yelled or made him feel worse for having an accident but didnt, and got him in the shower and gave him a bath. He throws tantrums but not like other kids his age. And that freaks me out and I just want him to be happy but I’ve learned to put my foot down with him.


I am manic today. Which is nice. I feel like I’m on top of the world and can accomplish anything. I want to be outside. I want to do things like paint and other crafts. Things are finally looking up and I’m feeling back to myself. So what do I do when I’m manic? I clean, paint, play games, watch shows, etc. Its really nice to catch up on things. I can truly say today is a good day.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Today ended good♡

Today started out as a struggle. I had to go get my meds and I had a panick attack beforehand. It was terrible. Called a friend and she was able to calm me down got my meds. And now I’m doing better than ever. My mood has stabilized and I dont feel like a meltdown every 5 minutes. It felt like forever but I managed and still was able to do things. But today ended on a good note. Dinner and games with the fiance.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Mood swings♡

Today I went through another mood swing. This time it was my thoughts against me. Such as my fiance doesn’t actually love me or I should kill myself because I’m not worthy of the things I have. But the facts are i deserve everything I have. Love, support, a job, an apartment, things I’ve worked towards and things I’m working on now. So how do I cope with those feelings? I ask a lot of questions, need reassurance. And my fiance understands that so him telling me he loves speak way more to me when I’m doubting it. Which is weird and comes and backwards to me. But that’s what I need from him at the time and he understands. If I didnt have the support I do going through the highs and lows would be more difficult and I would more than likely act out.

I had a meltdown♡

I had a meltdown last night so I couldn’t post. I went from being manic to depressed real quick. I wanted to cry and rip out my hair which I couldn’t do either of because I’m better than my disease. My disease doesn’t define me I define it. Nothing happened for me to get triggered I just slipped away and my ugly passenger popped its head up again to say hello. I get my meds tomorrow so I should be feeling like myself again. Thank you for the support and make sure to like and comment and I’ll get back with you.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

When this happens ♡

I have ran out of my mood stabilizers. I just haven’t had the time to go get it between working 40 hrs and babysitting theres just not enough time. That being said what am I doing to keep the mood sane? I’m painting, listening to music, things I enjoy to ride it out till I can get my meds. I’m also just taking it one day at a time. Try to fill my day with activities that stimulate the senses for me. What do you do? How do you cope? I’m manic and really manic at that so I’m just going but at the same time waiting for shoe to drop.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

I have seizures♡

So, I have seizures from stress and anxiety. When it spikes I go into an episode that’s tied in with my bipolar disorder. Today at work I almost had a seizure because I’m super anxious about babysitting a new child. I do babysitting gigs all the time but why is this one different? Maybe it’s because it’s my finance old cowoker’s child. Maybe it’s because it’s new. Either way I feel anxious. I got sent home from work which didnt necessarily help but had to be done.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

When your mood changes♡

Yesterday was a day for me and I apologize I didnt get time to write. I had a meltdown yesterday. I witnessed my mood change from manic to pissed off. And it upset me. I was doing so good. Why did my mood have to change? So I went home after work and just chilled to get myself out of the funk. It helped because this morning when I woke up I was out of the pissed off state.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Today I had a meltdown♡

Today I had a meltdown at work. This was the first time that I actually had my bipolar disorder affect me at work. I freaked out over a pen and didnt think I could do my job properly. Luckily I have a boss that understands. It upset me that I let something so simple get me down in such a way. But I was aware of what was happening and took the necessary steps to get everything else done.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Today I feel meh♡

So I’m just kinda feeling meh. Not really manic and not really depressed either. I keep getting suicide thoughts every once in awhile but have no means of acting them out. I have too much to live for to just give up now. Anyone else struggle with these kind of thoughts? How do you cope? I cope by listening to music and painting, two things I love and together are just epic for me. So there is a little snippet about my day.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Okc 2.1♡

So okc was fun but so glad to be back. The trip was filled with weird al, the zoo, coyote ugly, the bombing memorial of okc, and a unicorn store. I absolutely had a blast. But it was hard to control the dark passenger. It kept popping up every once in awhile to remind me it was still there. I knew.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Ending of okc♡

So okc was fun but so glad to be back. The trip was filled with weird al, the zoo, coyote ugly, the bombing memorial of okc, and a unicorn store. I absolutely had a blast. But it was hard to control the dark passenger. It kept popping up every once in awhile to remind me it was still there. I knew.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Okc trip part 2.0♡

Today we went to the zoo. I’m mentally and physically drained. I’ve been fighting the overwhelming feeling of going into an episode. Except my depression. Which sucks because I am not sad. I’m actually happy. I’m on a trip with my fiance and friends who wouldn’t be happy? But I’m still fighting those feelings. Maybe I shouldn’t keep up the good manners and just let my ugly passenger pop its head in for a quick hello. No I’m much better than that. Instead I’ll surround myself with laughter and love and memories. Anyways back to the zoo..it was fun just a little exhausting.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Okc trip part 1♡

When we got to okc we went and ate at a taste if India. Which is Indian food and it was so good. Highly recommend it to anyone. Then we went to the weird al concert. I crashed pretty hard after the concert though. I was manic all day and then I got super tired because it literally drained me to be manic all day. I’m ready for day 2 and will keep you posted.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

My trip♡

We are heading out to okc. And I cant help but to feel anxious. We are waiting to get tires put on which has caused us to be late which means plans have changed and I’m not happy. But the truth is even tho plans changed I’m still surrounded by people that love me. Even if I’m freaking out just a bit. Stay tuned for another snippet of my trip…

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Coping mechanisms♡

Some positive coping mechanisms I use is to paint or to listen to music. These are the only two things that will pull me out of a low or pull me out of a high. What are some of your coping mechanisms? I would love to hear from you. I’m a creative person so anything like that I’m willing to try but I’d love to hear from my readers.

This blog♡

So I’m at work and I’m just thinking about this blog. What to write. Today I’m feeling neutral which means I’m not manic nor depressed. I’m just kinda blah. I’m ready to be off work so I can post more.

I paint because♡

I needed to paint. To let go of everything I was feeling. I’ve been depressed and it’s been hard getting out of bed but I’ve managed to make it to work and to paint.
#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Penny for your thoughts

So today this post is going to be a little different. I’m crashing hard from being manic. What exactly does that mean? Well I did too much yesterday and now I’m entering my depression state. Which is an episode. How do I feel? I feel sad. Lonely. Alone. But the reality is there are people out there that love me. That is what keeps me going. The wonderful people I have in my life. How do they help? They understand. They know how to handle me in each episode. Walk and talk me through it. Make sure I am okay. That’s amazing.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts

Today I was manic♡

Today i was manic. What does that consist of? Well I indulged in about 6 cups of coffee made tie dye went to work. Had a great night at work. Got in did my stuff and left. I also plan on cleaning. When I am manic I like to do a bunch of activities and I’ll agree to pretty much anything within reason. Some people including myself take advantage of that. It’s nice to have my manic days.

#bipolardisorder #pennyforyourthoughts #manic

The day I got therapy♡

I was originally in the mental facility for suicide watch. I saw the doctor the first day. I explained what was going on and she started treating me for bipolar disorder. I stayed a week in that place. The people I met along the way helped shaped me into the person I’ve grown into. I learned how to live life with bipolar disorder and to be honest I’m still learning. I have the best support system and that makes each day easier. I was diagnosed just over a year ago. I still make mistakes but I learn from them every day.

The day my life changed forever♡

So the day my life changed. I got triggered at a family event. When I came home I had came down from the high of everything happening. I immeaditley went into overdrive. I crumpled on the floor started balling pulling out my hair basically throwing a fit for no reason. Everything was fine nothing negative happened so why was I freaking out so? It got to a point that I wanted to hurt myself because I felt worthless of everything. I told my fiance I needed to get checked into a mental facility that I felt broken. He then took me to the hospital. I waited and waited and waited. Finally I was getting escorted out by policemen. Remind I’ve never been arrested or been in the back of a cop car. I was freaking out. They asked me some basic questions and I answered. They took me to the mental facility where I got checked in. Now the real fun begins.


When did my disorder start♡

It started when I was a teenager. It caused a lot of problems for me and my mom. I was a very hard teenager to live with. I wasnt diagnosed yet so i wasnt on medication. Fast forward a few years into adulthood and it affected me so hard i had a mental breakdown. When that happened it changed everyhing…

#bipolardisorder #moodyteenager #inthebeginning

Bipolar disorder♡

What is bipolar disorder? It’s where you experience mania and depression to the extreme. Everyone experience mood swings however people with bipolar disorder have it every day sometimes multiple times a day. These mood swings are called episodes. Episodes can be from depression to a sense of mania real quick or vice versa.

#bipolardisorder #struggleisreal #manicwheniwrotethis

A little about me♡

Hello, my name is Keshia May and this is my story. First let’s get to know one another. I’m 28 going on 29. I thought about blogging for a little bit bc I want to get my story out there. What is my story? Well let’s dive into bipolar disorder. Here I’ll discuss what it is how it affects me every day and how I accomplish my struggles.