Welcome to My New (surviving life) Blog

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

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Update on me

Update about me. It has been a busy crazy few weeks. My fiance and I celebrated our 7th year of being together. We went camping and kayaking and it was so much fun. Then I started a new job. Now mind you right now I have 3 jobs. I work at a pizza place full time. I babysit part of the time and only have a couple weeks with the kid left due to this other job (tear). And now I’ve started a call center job that is working from home.

With all of this going on how does this affect my bipolar disorder? Well I am super busy, but I would not change it. I am on a schedule that works for me and I do not have to worry about money as much. The point of all these jobs is to get me ahead with everything. I am so tired of living paycheck to paycheck.

So what kind of emotions am I feeling? Well sometimes I feel overwhelmed like I am doing to much. But then I remember why I am doing it for me and my fiance to get ahead, to start saving money. Money stresses me out but my bills are paid and I have food in my belly. However, I want to get back into painting and other things like that, that has the potential to make me more money. I get anxious when I start to think about my schedule. Like can I really do this and keep up with it? The answer yes I can!

But mentally I am in a good spot despite these feelings. I feel on top of the world and that I can accomplish what I set out to accomplish. Well there you have it folks–an update.

Personality and behavior

I wish I had known…

…that personality profoundly influences behavior.

Our personality greatly influences our behavior for many reasons. So what kind of personality do you have? Lets take a look at the different personalities.

Half full or half empty? The pessimist and optimist are typically attracted to each other. The pessimist sees the glass as half full. Where as the optimist sees it as half full. The optimist will be a risk taker because in their mind everything will be fine. The pessimist is the exact opposite and thinks the worst will happen. You have to find a common middle ground for this to work with both personalities.

Neatniks and slobs. The neatniks are clean freaks that like everything in order and clean. The slob could care less about whether or not the place is clean and in order. But again opposites attract.

When the dead sea weds a babbling brook. This means when one person is very talkatve, the other is usually quiet. These two mix very well together. The babbling brook will fill up the evening talking and the dead sea will just agree typically because they are more quiet and reserved.

Passives and aggressives. The aggressive partner will pursue what they want, what they believe to be right, or what they think should happen. The passive partner will be pleased with plans and charts of the future.

Professors and dancers. Some people are very logical. This is the professor. The intuitive partner is the dancer. Both are very good ways of processing life. If you try to force each other into your own personality mold it can result in a lifetime spent in conflict.

The organizer and the free spirit. The organizer is a planner. They give their attention to detail. The free spirit thinks the plans will take care of themselves.

To better understand your personality here’s a list and mark them 1-10. 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. The numbers next to each thing is what I would rate myself.

  • optimistic–3
  • pessimistic–8
  • neat–1
  • messy–10
  • babbling brook–6
  • dead sea–3
  • pointer–2
  • painter–10
  • aggressive–4
  • passive–8
  • logical–1
  • intuitive–10
  • organizer–10
  • spontaneous–2

In-laws

I wish I had known…

…that I was marrying into a family.

Couples who think it will be just the two of them after the wedding is wrong. You marry into each other’s families for better or for worse. Typically the family is most important. So let’s focus on that relationship today.

Five key issues. The first issue the couple will face when dealing with the in-laws is the holidays. You must choose whose family you will be seeing and when. If you all live in the same town then it is more feasible to see both families. However, if they do not, then you will have to decide who gets what on each major holiday such as Christmas or Thanksgiving. Next you will have to keep up with traditions. Traditions are driven by deep emotions and should never ever be taken lightly. Your in-laws will also have expectations. They will expect you to do things that you won’t even think about such as paying for dinner when you all go out. You must accept that your in-laws have behavioral patterns that you may find troublesome such as going home intoxicated. The last thing is the in-laws will have strongly held religious beliefs that differ from yours.

There are three main points to figuring out this relationship between you and the in-laws.

Learning to listen. People have different views, ideas, and emotions. Learning to listen and actually hear what they are saying will e a step to understanding them.

Learning to negotiate. Negotiation is enhanced when you make requests and not demands. It is an agreement all parties can agree on.

Learning their love language. Learn their love language and act on it all the time.

Ultimately, it takes time and effort to build a positive and healthy relationship with the in-laws.

My fiance and I will switch off on holidays. If the family plans something that we want to go to in between that time then we go to it. We have a healthy relationship between the in-laws.

More about sex

This week has been crazy. It was my fiance and I anniversary so we were busy with that. I’ve been experiencing mood swings like crazy and it is taking everything to control it. I have been writing this series I wish I had known because it is my anniversary. I think this book has been really helpful.So on to the main post.

I wish I had known…

…that mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic.

Not many couples think they would come across problems in the bedroom for he is male and she is female. What could go wrong? You have to figure the person out. The five love languages play a major factor in this. Speak the other person’s love language and you’re more likely to finish in the bedroom. However there are some key points in figuring this stuff out.

Men focus on intercourse, while women focus on the relationship. To women it is an intimate action and grows out of a loving relationship. To men it is just simply sex. They have some emotion behind it but it is not as intense as for the woman.

To the wife, foreplay is more important than the actual of intercourse itself. Women like to take their time and enjoy the process. Where as men tend to rush things and go about their business.

Mutual sexual satisfaction does not require both of you to climax. What is important is to get the feeling of a climax or orgasm. Sometimes it is just not possible for both to climax. This produces a lot of anxiety on couples. Enjoy the act of sex people!!

When one forces a particular sexual act upon one’s significant other, to stops being an act of love and becomes an act of abuse. True love looks to bring pleasure to your significant other. It never demands something of you. Also if you can not reach an agreement then love will make the final decision by not doing it out of respect for your partner.

Sex is more than intercourse. Sex is a very special, bonding moment between two people. It is very intimate. It is not the joining of two bodies but the union of body, soul, and spirit.

Communication is the key that unlocks sexual fulfillment. Most couples tend to only focus on what the other is telling them and not the listening part of it. You have to listen to your partner. If it is within respectable bounds then try it out You may find out you like it too.

The past never remains the past. Couples struggle wanting to know their partner’s past sexual history. You can not just wipe the psychological slate clean. You must learn to accept the past is what is and you have to let go.

Money

I wish I had known…

…that we needed a plan for handling our money.

“Our money”: building unity–this is first foundation step in developing a financial plan. After marriage, it is no longer your money my money, but our money. This means that you will work as a team in financial decisions.

Saving, sharing, spending–the next step is deciding how much of income will be spent, saved, and given away. The main reason to is to have an emergency fund in case things happen. The second is to pay off any debts. The third reason to save is for big purchases such as a home. Usually this is 10% of income. The next 10% is given away.

The other 80 percent–is spent paying the other bills. The more you spend on housing the less you have for the other bills. The most common mistake is spending too much on housing and not have enough for other bills.

Who keeps the books–this is the final step in financial planning. Whoever keeps the accounts will also pay for all the bills. However whoever is not keeping the books will need to know how in case they need to do it one day.

After 6 years together my fiance and are just now figuring this one out. We have separate accounts and we each pay a portion of the bills. Right now this works for us. It teaches me responsibility of my own money, which I need to know how to do when I’m married.

Roles within the relationship

I wish I had known…

…that toilets are not self-cleaning.

When growing up the toilet was always clean. And then I picked it up as a chore when I got older. But when I was younger I never thought about who cleaned it. Roles within the relationship is one of the most stressful things a couple can go through.

Who does what? There are several factors that go into deciding your role in the relationship. The two of you grew up differently meaning you will have different point of views for who does what.

Where do these ideas come from? A second influence of what you think your role is, is how you see maleness and femaleness. This is influenced from education, what we are taught to be a male and a female role. Another reason could be religious as well.

What are each of you good at? Both of you have different skills so use those to your advantage. It can benefit the relationship tremendously if you do what each is good at.

Likes and dislikes. This one is easy. Each of you have things you like to do and are good at and you have things you would prefer not to do. For example, I enjoy doing the dishes and laundry but I am not very good at.

My fiance and I have established our roles in the relationship already. He does the living room, the bathroom, and the bedroom. I keep up with the kitchen and laundry. I also cook dinner for us when I am not working. If we didn’t have these established already I honestly wouldn’t know what do. My bipolar brain does not handle not having structure very well. I need structure and need to know where I stand at all times.

Forgiveness

I wish I had known…

…that forgiveness is not a feeling.

The healthiest way from moving forward from an apology is forgiveness. So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness basically states that a wrong has been committed and are looking for an apology. There are minor instances and major offenses. When someone offends other, the re is an emotional barrier that pops up. Just passing time won’t heal this barrier. However sincere apologies and genuine forgiveness will heal this barrier. But to understand forgiveness you need to know what forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness does not destroy our memory. There is your conscious part of the brain and your subconscious Your consciousness is aware of in the moment. While the subconscious is past experiences. Sometimes information flows freely between the two and sometimes you have to choose to communicate to both sides of the brain. We are only human so we will remember theses experiences throughout life. It does not mean we have not forgiven but it does show we are human looking back on a painful experience.

Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing. Positive behavior has positive consequences. Negative behavior has negative consequences. All of our behavior has consequences. Forgiveness does not remove all the consequences of wrongdoing.

Forgiveness does not rebuild trust. With a pattern of honesty you can rebuild trust. It does not automatically restore but you can work on it.

Forgiveness does not always result in reconciliation. Reconciliation means to bring back harmony. It requires working through differences, finding new ways of doing things, solving conflicts, and learning how to work as a team. So how long does it take to be reconciled? That depends on you as a couple and how long you have been out of harmony.

Forgiveness is something I struggle with everyday. I hold onto things very much. And if you have hurt me that is it. My fiance is very patient when it comes to this kind of thing. He knows I am learning and that it is something I struggle with.